Harry Potter Movie-Tie Part II: Revenge of the Lions

So, I know the rampant lion of heraldry is stylized, but there is a difference between ‘stylized’ and what’s happening below:

Ah, the noble snake-lion-monster of the Gryffindor house.

Ah, the noble marshmallow lion of the Gryffindor house breakfast cereal.

Ah, the noble blob of mustard in a field of ketchup left on the Gryffindor house table after a meal.


Now, has everyone seen the last movie/read the book? (If you haven’t, I don’t care, you’ve had three years to do so.)

We all remember the dramatic scene in the Room of Requirement, when the Slytherins have conjured fire-monsters, representing each house mascot? Who could forget the terrifying fire-lion?

Terrifying.


And of course, everyone remembers that scene where Harry is transfigured into an anthropomorphized lion in full Hogwarts uniform:

Oh wait, there wasn’t a scene like that? Well, then the artist is just a little screwed up.

Harry Potter Movie Tie-In!

Up to this point, I’ve avoided making fun of fanart on this blog, because if the professionals can’t get lions right, why should I expect the amateurs to?

I mean, as we’ve established, drawing lions is HARD. You can be a ‘master’ and still not get them right.

But how about something easy? Maybe you’re not that familiar with lions, but surely you can copy a simple line drawing that’s right in front of you?

So, in honor of the last HP movie, I give you: Gryffindor House Crests.

Here’s the original upon which all the rest are based:

I’ll admit, there’s not a lot to work with here. Rather than ‘traditional heraldic imagery’ they decided to go with ‘cuddly plush toy.’ But, you know, fine. Whatever flies your broom, and all that.

So now, on to the fanart:

This one actually looks fiercer looking than the original, so points for that.

This one stuck with the ‘cuddly toy’ motif, but made the decision to give it a PIERCING DEMON EYE. Because that’s what most cuddly toys are missing.

The Gryffindor Lion: now a different race!

(Also, please try to imagine how those legs might meet up with that torso, if the banner wasn’t there. Special, right?)

The Gryffindor lion goes to a rave!

The Gryffindor lion does the Macarena!

And finally, what might be my absolute favorite:

I only wish I had a bigger image.

Stay tuned, because there’s more Harry Potter coming your way.

And if you think it’s mean to make fun of fans' drawings, let me just note that these are the kind of people who do this, and label it a “hippogrif” [sic]:

Call it what you want, but that, good sir, is a LLAMA.

Not a Bad Lion

Having had this blog for several months now, I feel I’ve earned the right to deviate from the format slightly.

And by “slightly” I mean “the exact opposite of what this blog purports to be about.” Because these are AWESOME lions.

This video contains a very cute boy, with a very cute accent, making out with some very cute lion cubs.

It’s like everything I like in the world.



Seriously, why am I not this guy? Or at least married to him?

Lions: An Art Lesson

In an effort to be helpful, after all the mocking, I thought I’d put together a little tutorial for future lion artists.

Tip #1:

LIONS ARE CATS.

You know, cats?

Kitties?

Meow, meow?

They are not:

Dogs

Monkeys

Whatever the hell this is. Seriously, what’s wrong with you?

Reader Submission

Today’s lion comes from Sam, whose email was very flattering, and is therefore awesome.

This lion is less awesome.

Apparently this statue is in Sri Lanka, and I know Asian lions have their own stylized aesthetic.

But really?

1. It’s got hooves. The positioning of the body reminds me of nothing so much as a carousel horse. I expect to see a small child dripping ice cream all over it.
2. Its head is exactly what I would expect to get if I genetically spliced together a frog and a duck.
3. Rather than a mane, it has aluminium siding. Which must be very uncomfortable.

On the other hand, I now have a lovely mental image of a carousel of bad lions.

Which would terrify the children, of course, but these are sacrifices we have to make for the sake of keeping me amused.

Thanks for the submission, Sam!

I'll Just Leave This Here

They're Still After Me...

I went to the Globe Theatre recently, and was admiring their lovely stage:

But what’s that? Way in the back?

(I apologize for the quality on this, I only had my iphone with me)

A bad lion! They’re lurking everywhere these days.

I’d offer you a commentary on this lion’s monstrous, deformed dragon-head or its ridiculously long tail (seriously, think how far back that thing would drag if it was on the ground), but I’m much too distracted by the thing that’s trying to eat the lion’s face.

For those of you who haven’t noticed, these are the astrological signs.

Which means that’s supposed to be a CRAB.

Spin-off blog, anyone?

And remember, if you're being followed, too, you can submit bad lions to me at badlions.submissions@gmail.com.