Reader Submission

Today’s lion comes from Sam, whose email was very flattering, and is therefore awesome.

This lion is less awesome.

Apparently this statue is in Sri Lanka, and I know Asian lions have their own stylized aesthetic.

But really?

1. It’s got hooves. The positioning of the body reminds me of nothing so much as a carousel horse. I expect to see a small child dripping ice cream all over it.
2. Its head is exactly what I would expect to get if I genetically spliced together a frog and a duck.
3. Rather than a mane, it has aluminium siding. Which must be very uncomfortable.

On the other hand, I now have a lovely mental image of a carousel of bad lions.

Which would terrify the children, of course, but these are sacrifices we have to make for the sake of keeping me amused.

Thanks for the submission, Sam!

I'll Just Leave This Here

They're Still After Me...

I went to the Globe Theatre recently, and was admiring their lovely stage:

But what’s that? Way in the back?

(I apologize for the quality on this, I only had my iphone with me)

A bad lion! They’re lurking everywhere these days.

I’d offer you a commentary on this lion’s monstrous, deformed dragon-head or its ridiculously long tail (seriously, think how far back that thing would drag if it was on the ground), but I’m much too distracted by the thing that’s trying to eat the lion’s face.

For those of you who haven’t noticed, these are the astrological signs.

Which means that’s supposed to be a CRAB.

Spin-off blog, anyone?

And remember, if you're being followed, too, you can submit bad lions to me at badlions.submissions@gmail.com.

I Think I'm Being Followed...

Since I began this blog, I’m pretty sure bad lions have started stalking me. Out for a walk? Bad lion statue. Glancing at a billboard? Bad lion ad.

And then I was in the library, opened up a book, and was greeted by:

They’re even infiltrating my reading.

I’m not sure what they want, yet. This one appears to have had a stroke, based on the way one side of his face is melting off, so perhaps he’s just after some medical attention.

As for the rest? No one knows.

The Baddest Lion of Them All

I can't believe I've let this blog go on for as long as I have without posting this:



And now you'll have the song stuck in your head until you die.

You're welcome.

The Lion and the Lamb: NOT a Twilight Reference

In case you hadn’t realized, that little one is supposed to be a lamb. I don’t really know what’s supposed to distinguish it as a lamb, since it has the same snout/nose, ear placement, eye shape and fringe as the lion.

I guess it’s the scales covering its body that identify it as a sheep.

However, none of us are here for bad lambs (we could get that at the local curry place)—so I’ll just point out the extraordinarily sassy expression on that little lamb’s face. You can just see it thinking how badass it is, being cradled/squashed/molested by that ‘lion’. (Seriously, where is the back half of its body? Because if it’s under that lion, it should be looking less ‘sassy’ and more ‘permanently disfigured’)

But on to the lion. The contrast between the two expressions may be my favorite part of this statue. That lion is freaked out. I have no idea what’s happening out of the frame of this picture, but the lion is not feeling it. Sassy lamb doesn’t give a rat’s ass, though.

And look at the lion’s paws. No really, what is happening there?! Not only does it have human fingers, but on the paw on the right, it has FINGERNAILS.

Seriously, sculptor? It’s one thing to have never seen a lion before—but have you never seen an animal before?

Well, let me give you an important hint: they don’t have people hands.

Well, it's been awhile

Today's post is brought to you by Oliver, whom I have never even met.

Lowry Lion Statue at Berwick-upon-tweed

The photographer who took this picture said of this lion that it seemed “particularly demonic,” and that “personally, I feel this is because of the open mouth and white eyes.”

First, that is an amazing bit of exposition. Way to dig down deep into your feelings there, photographer.

I agreed with him when I first saw this image, though. However, I saved it to my desktop almost a month ago, intending to make this post, and never got around to it. Over the weeks, the more I looked at the lion, the more I warmed to it. About a week ago I decided it was downright adorable.

Now, that’s obviously my own personal issue that we need not get into. But I do this the expression is less demonic and more surprised, as if it’s thinking “Demonic? Who, me?”

Poor guy.

Or maybe he’s just shocked that his head is so small compared to the rest of his body. Or that, if you took away that mane/beard, he would have the neck of a giraffe under there.

And really, what’s less demonic than an adorable little liaffe (or a gion)?

I’ll just leave you to ponder the implications of that romantic encounter.