Squishy, sticky, delicious lions.

It was recently my birthday, and look what the internet gave me:

Bad lion cakes! What could be more appetizing?

The second one is particularly good. I wonder if there's any actual cake under that pile of icing?

Never say I don't give credit where credit isn't due.

St. Jerome in his Study, Jan van Eyck, 1442.

This is, in fact, an excellent rendering of a lion with hydrocephalus.

Of course, Jerome’s lion didn’t HAVE hydrocephalus.

But, you know. Technicalities.

King Arthur will see Yvain's lion, and raise him TWO

I was looking up something completely unrelated to this website (I swear!) and stumbled upon this:

The Boy's King Arthur: Sir Thomas Malory's History of King Arthur and His Knights of the Round Table. Edited for Boys* by Sidney Lanier, 1922


A couple sidenotes: I’m rather amused by how grumpy Arthur looks (I guess it's post-G/L), and since when is armour made of scales?

However, let’s take a closer look at those lions:

This is the BOY’S King Arthur. It’s for children. Are they trying to scar them for life?




*Note that this is for BOYS. It is so much for BOYS that they said it twice. Any girls reading this blog, AVERT YOUR EYES.

There is so much wrong with this, you almost don't notice the lion

It might seem like going into battle on a miniature horse would put you at a disadvantage, but it doesn’t matter when you have one of the Wicked Witch’s flying monkeys on your side.

Reader Submission: Yvain and Jerome - Separated at Birth?!

If you’re up on your medieval romances, some of you may have already noticed that Yvain, France’s answer to the bad lion, shares the same backstory as everyone’s favorite saintly lion fancier, Jerome: Injured lion, helpful human, companion for life.

They also share a taste for HIDEOUSLY deformed lions:

The Penitence of Saint Jerome, Albrecht Altdorfer, 1507.

Really, Altdorfer?

It’s like Falkor’s cranky twin brother.

Thanks for the submission, Joanne!

Yvain: the gift that keeps on giving

Seriously, I have about a dozen Yvains queued up, and they're all just AWFUL in their own unique way.

Like today's:

Okay, bad lion aside (and it is bad)...why are they making out?!

Either this is some interesting 'artistic license' or my undergrad Medieval Lit class left out all the juicy bits.

Blatant National Denigration

In case you were wondering if there was a particular demographic that truly failed at lions:

It’s the French. The French sucks at lions.

Look at this thing:

It’s the marshmallow version of a lion. You know, when you accidentally set them on fire? And little bits start to turn to char?

That’s what’s cuddling with that knight right there.