"Merlion"? Really?

When I started this blog, I googled “bad lions” and found this:

Get it? It’s a SEA LION. Ha!

I saved the picture to my computer and thought nothing more of it.

Until I realized, this is a thing.

In Singapore, at least.

The Rare Austrian Lion

Seen here in its native habitat (Hofburg Palace, Vienna), the Austrian Lion is noted for its long-flowing feminine locks, monkey-like ears, and penchant for wearing crown jewels.

It is most easily recognized, however, by its inexplicably black tongue, thrust out at passersby in an unmistakably lewd gesture.

It is not known for its social skills.

Everything About This is Wrong

Seriously. What in the actual hell?

I so desperately wish I had a picture of the front of this figurine, because that face is clearly very, very special. It is, once again, a dude’s face, but with a horsey snout and eyeliner. I really wish artists would stop giving cats people faces. A cat with a person face is not a lion, it’s a manticore (or, you know, “a nightmare, make it stop”).

And then, why is the head enormous compared to the teensy body? Is it to support the weight of those dramatic black eyebrows that dude-cat is sporting? And why didn’t anyone teach him to match his foundation to his actual skin tone?

Statuary: Adding a third dimension is HARD

I realize that sculpture is a difficult art form, but I’m a bit confused by what, exactly, is being represented by these lions:

I was pretty sure that lions were meant to symbolize nobility and bravery, not terror and depression.

Instead of being awed, I just want to give these two a hug.

And We're Back!

There is literally nothing about this that says "lion" to me, except for the word "lion" printed above its head.

Thanks for the hint, book cover designer.

Squishy, sticky, delicious lions.

It was recently my birthday, and look what the internet gave me:

Bad lion cakes! What could be more appetizing?

The second one is particularly good. I wonder if there's any actual cake under that pile of icing?

Never say I don't give credit where credit isn't due.

St. Jerome in his Study, Jan van Eyck, 1442.

This is, in fact, an excellent rendering of a lion with hydrocephalus.

Of course, Jerome’s lion didn’t HAVE hydrocephalus.

But, you know. Technicalities.