Merry Christmas, Everyone

A very nice lion for the holidays.

Reminder: Tattoos are Permanent

I feel like this should maybe be labeled "NSFW"

This piece of artwork is called "Lion Eating Nubian".

...is that what we're calling it these days?

If You See Someone Wearing These, Set Them on Fire

I see people wear a lot of stupid stuff on their legs (and by "people" I mean "teenage girls"), but these really take the cake:

I also tend to think most people don't want a large cat that close to their crotches, but what do I know?

Thanks for the submission, Rachel!

He doesn't even know to be ashamed

Is 'Durer' German for 'Bad Lion'?

WHAT

THE

HELL?

'Bad Lions' is an entire GENRE of fanart

Today's entire post comes is courtesy of loyal reader Will, because I could never top the email that accompanied the image:

Dear Mysterious Bad Lions Blogger,

I wonder if I could make another submission. To "get" how bad these lions are you might have to know something about the teen pop sensation "One Direction". Whilst I'm certain that a blogger of your class must never have come across them, I thought it was worth sending them in just in case. 

If you don't know, One Direction are a boy band consisting of members Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. They signed to Simon Cowell's record label Syco Records after being formed and placing third in the seventh series of The X Factor. In November 2011, One Direction released their debut album Up All Night, which became the fastest-selling debut album in the UK of 2011. In 2012, it debuted at number one on the U.S. Billboard 200, making One Direction the first UK group in history to debut at number one with their first album in the country. Up All Night spawned the Official UK Singles Chart top ten singles — "What Makes You Beautiful", "Gotta Be You", and "One Thing". In 2012, "What Makes You Beautiful" won the BRIT Award for Best British Single.

One Direction's world tour is set for 2013, with tickets grossing US$15.7 million for their Australian and New Zealand dates. Offhand, I would say that they have been described as sparking a resurgence in the boy band concept, and of forming part of a new "British Invasion" in the United States.

They are not lions.

Reader Submission After All This Time

Good news, everyone!  I've finally remembered that this blog has an email address, after nearly a year of not checking!  I'm terrible at this!

Anyway, this is a submission from Oliver, from a year ago, I'm really sorry.

This comes from a book entitled Makeup for Fun.

Half the title is accurate.

"Nightmares for Fun" or "Makeup for Future Therapist Bills" would also have worked.

And if you readers would like to submit any lions, on the off chance that I'll post them in a year, the address is badlions.submissions@gmail.com.

Are You Sure?

The British Museum is generally a reputable source of information.

And so their label is the only reason why I believe that this statue is of a "lion."

(I would have also accepted "weasel-dog" as a correct answer).

One more angle:

Dead Things are Great: More Taxidermy

In some not even remotely surprising news, it turns out the taxidermy posts on this site are by far the most popular.  Good for you guys!  You're giant creeps, just like me!

So, to celebrate: more badly-stuffed dead animals.

This is some wrong head, wrong body brontosaurus shit, isn't it?

Oh, look! He's a creep too!

My thoughts exactly, man

I genuinely don't know whether this is the best or worst thing ever.  On the one hand, it's shiny and it's half a stuffed lion. Yay! But on the other hand, I bet it "represents" something to the artist. Boo! Way to ruin a good thing.

Breaking News: The Internet is Weird

So, I promised you'd be seeing more of Durer, and here it is.

This is not a very good lion:

But was it bad enough for THE INTERNET?


Oh no:

Oh, dear sweet Internet, never change.

Maybe One of You Can Explain This to Me

Most of the time, I feel like I have an idea of what went wrong in the bad lions I post.  In the ones created before the 20th century, the answer is obvious: they'd never seen a lion.

But in this case?

I have absolutely no idea how this happened.

Thanks for the submission, Will!

Over More Than Thirty Years, You'd Think He'd Improve

Albrecht Durer has popped up on this site already, and I’ll warn you now that he’s going to show up again. Because this guy practically made a career of bad lions.

 How do I know that? Because I just went through 844 images of his work.

And here’s what I’ve learned:

 Things Albrecht Durer can’t draw:

 1.  Lions
 2.  Horses
 3.  Women’s buttocks (the guy had some exceptionally strange ideas about female anatomy. I guess he
      didn't get out much).

 Things Albrecht Durer could draw:

 1.  Birds
 2.  Rabbits
 3.  Rhinoceroses (?!)

 And, finally, things Albrecht Durer could draw, but shouldn’t:

 1. Nude self portraits.

  Seriously.

 Anyway, here’s a lion:

Albrecht Durer, Penitent Jerome, 1494
I mean, I GUESS.

Shapes Found in Nature

Ah, the Great Rectangular Lion of the savannas.

A noble, if unwieldy, breed.

Bad Lion...Tattoo?!

Well, that seems like a solid life decision.

A Guide to Lion Taxidermy

Yes:

No:

Yes:

No:

Yes:

No:

OMG, NO.

You know what? I give up.

Nothing Like the Wind in your Mane

Why does this lion's expression look so familiar?

Oh, that's right.

It's Not Just Singapore

These babies feature on a historic boat housed at the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich, England:

Sure, from the front these are just some gold lions in the throes of unspeakable agony.

But from the back?

MERLIONS.

Cats are notorious for hating water, so I have some serious questions about how this is supposed to work. If you’ve ever bathed a cat, you know what I’m talking about.

He will kill you in your sleep.

"Merlion"? Really?

When I started this blog, I googled “bad lions” and found this:

Get it? It’s a SEA LION. Ha!

I saved the picture to my computer and thought nothing more of it.

Until I realized, this is a thing.

In Singapore, at least.

The Rare Austrian Lion

Seen here in its native habitat (Hofburg Palace, Vienna), the Austrian Lion is noted for its long-flowing feminine locks, monkey-like ears, and penchant for wearing crown jewels.

It is most easily recognized, however, by its inexplicably black tongue, thrust out at passersby in an unmistakably lewd gesture.

It is not known for its social skills.