Ah, Realism

What's great about taxidermy is the feeling that the living animal is right there, and could leap up at any moment.

courtesy of @craptaxidermy

The Return of a Favorite

If there was anything that truly needed to be memorialized, it was this guy:

Well done.

Let's Look on the Bright Side

At least the lamb looks good?

Taxidermy: The Face Says it All

 "Oh god, here we go again ... "

 "...what the hell? Is that meant to be me?"

"You must be joking!"

"Fix it, or you'll be seeing this rotting face IN HELL."

Congratulations, You Ruined It

You all may remember this brilliant piece of lion taxidermy:

Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the artists have more lion pieces. The bad news is that they do, indeed, "represent" something:

"The striking beauty and the vividness of the animals that figure in the works, conjure powerful emotions of awe and inspiration before giving way to our morbid curiosity surrounding death, which leads us ultimately to think of our own mortality. This contrast between beauty, luxury and greed coupled with the mystery of death, timelessly preserved, transports one into a transient state of mind, in which anything is possible." (from This Must be Designed by Idiots)*

Jesus. Why can't they just say: I wanted to see if I could shove a massive hunk of quartz into a lion:

No one would judge them for that.





* Note: I like how the minerals/metals represent "greed and luxury", while the animals represent "awe and beauty" -- as if gold and quartz aren't just beautiful products of nature, too. If they wanted a contrast, they should have seen if they could stick a flatscreen TV inside the lion.**

**Note: I very much encourage someone to do this.

Just Because it's Dead, Doesn't Mean it Has to be Disgusting

Taxidermy can be quite beautiful.

Qalqilya Zoo, Palenstine

But you wouldn't know it by looking at this thing.

Brace Yourselves, This One is a Doozy

I was actually looking for more taxidermal (taxidermic? these are both apparently the adjective form of 'taxidermy') lions (a perennial favorite around here), when I stumbled upon this:

via Dull Tool Dim Bulb

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

What? Why? How? Who?

This actually is taxidermy, because (again, brace yourselves), that's REAL SKIN up there.

From Dull Tool Dim Bulb:

"As much taxidermy as folk art, this terrifying lion must have certainly been part of a menagerie, as whoever made him was magnificently talented.  Wooden teeth, fake eyes, an actual animal skin around a internal frame of unknown material.  The mane is gone, long gone, and replaced with another piece of animal skin tacked on with brads.  Extraordinary!  The entire body is hand-stitched, possibly with sinew...and the lion is ten inches long."

This thing is from the nineteenth century, a time when people were genuinely weirder than they are now. Just, completely screwed up. 

Here, have another angle:

The most important thing is that you don't think about this lion as you're falling asleep tonight...

Flattening Them Really Doesn't Help

It’s a fact: Lionskin rugs will never look good, because no matter how well done, they strongly resemble a lion dropped from a very great height:

SPLAT!

But even within that realm of awful, there are some true masterpieces.

The standard expression for these bad boys is the snarl:

“I might be a rug, but I could still kick your ass”.

But some taxidermists choose to deviate. There’s the “Oh shit, I’m a rug”:

The “holy crap, how could this happen to someone with such good hair?”:

The “Of course. My mother always said I’d be a failure”:

And, naturally, the “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. I’m so flaaaaaaaaaat”:

Keep up the good work, taxidermists!

But Who's Really Letting Down the Team?

Normally, in a taxidermy tableau there's one lion just screwing things up for everyone:

But in this one, they're all stoned.

Dead Things are Great: More Taxidermy

In some not even remotely surprising news, it turns out the taxidermy posts on this site are by far the most popular.  Good for you guys!  You're giant creeps, just like me!

So, to celebrate: more badly-stuffed dead animals.

This is some wrong head, wrong body brontosaurus shit, isn't it?

Oh, look! He's a creep too!

My thoughts exactly, man

I genuinely don't know whether this is the best or worst thing ever.  On the one hand, it's shiny and it's half a stuffed lion. Yay! But on the other hand, I bet it "represents" something to the artist. Boo! Way to ruin a good thing.

A Guide to Lion Taxidermy

Yes:

No:

Yes:

No:

Yes:

No:

OMG, NO.

You know what? I give up.