"Hey there, Ladies"

"Looking fiiiiiiiine tonight." *eyebrow waggle*

Shouldn't Zoos Know the Difference?

West Midlands Safari Park

This is pretty bad, but not nearly as bad as the fact that this is the decor on the SEA LION tank.

Maybe that's why he looks so aghast.

May the Font of Badness Never Run Dry

There are some real treasure troves of bad lions out there: taxidermy is the gift that keeps on giving. Walk into any statuary section of a museum, and you're sure to find a few.

But I've just stumbled onto a WHOLE NEW ART FORM of badness.

Behold! The tapestry:

Packwood House, Lapworth

Now, if you just squint, tilt your head to one side, and take some acid, you'll see that this is a clear depiction of a lion fighting a griffin.

IT COULDN'T BE MORE OBVIOUS.

Anatomy: A Lesson

Here's the thing: lions actually NATURALLY sit on their haunches. It's their default state. They walk around on four legs, and they sit that way too. Drawing them kneeling is both pointless and disturbing.

Thanks for the submission, Liz!

That Fourth Cup of Coffee Was a Mistake

"Hey"

"Heey"

"Heeey"

"Heeeey"

"I'm so EXCITED. And I just can't HIDE IT."

Packwood House, Lapworth

Lay Off the Gym, Dude

Who sits down and thinks, you know what lions need? BIGGER MUSCLES.

Victoria and Albert Museum, London

"Yeah, bro. I can bench 250. Wanna go get a protein shake?"

Someone Get This Thing to a Vet

Someone took this photo through the back window of a car:

Which means someone purposefully displayed this thing in their car.

It looks like it's molting, and it's definitely not happy about it.

Thanks for the submission, Rachel!

At Least He's Happy About It

This lion couldn't be more thrilled with how crap he is. But the real question is: what does an ecstatically happy bad lion have to do with 'keep out' signs?

I love this lunchbox, because its the closest thing I've ever found to the header of this blog. I probably should have bought it.

Imperialism: An Illustration

This is precisely why you don't bring a bike with you on safari, dude. I hope he eats your little satchel.

Dramatic, Much?

James Ward, Sketch for Daniel in the lion's den, 1841

Someone needs to explain to this lion that Daniel is the one in trouble here.

Thanks for the submission, Joanne!

Makes My Tongue Itch Just Thinking About It

Look, I realize we're going for "stylized", but that mane is coming out of his mouth.

Let's Not Even Talk About the Blue

It is literally impossible to say what the worst part of this is:

That being said:

*DUN*

*DUUN*

*DUUUUUN*

NOT A LION.

Who told you guys about the size?

The thing is, the world would undoubtedly be a better place if we had house cat sized lions hanging about under our chairs.

At the Ashmolean, Oxford

So in that sense, is this really a "bad" lion, or is it just a vision of utopia? (That's what we call philosophizing).*


*Important note: I am not a philosopher.

Pile of Mush or Lion: The Eternal Guessing Game

In keeping this blog, I've developed a truly terrible super power*. I can spot a bad lion from a hundred yards away.

Case in point:

 I basically shouted "is that a lion??" across the whole museum. Even through thousands of years of wear and tear and utter crapness, I can still spot a lion-like shape. SUPERPOWER

*I'm the X-Man who always has to stay at home, along with the kid who makes sparkly lights and the guy who speaks some languages.

It Would be Cool if Lions Could Do This, Though

You're right, medieval artist. Big cats, small performing monkeys, they're all basically the same. Mammals are mammals, amirite?

The Past's So Bright, I Have to Wear Shades

Todays' submission comes with the explanation: "this is from a future exhibition on colours in the Classical period."  

Which explains the blue, but not ... everything else.

Thanks for the submission, Maria!

The Fiercest of Them All

*David Attenborough voice* Now we see the mighty lion in its natural habitat, about to make a kill.

Brutal? Yes. But that's the way of the world.

I Don't Remember This Part of the Hercules Legend

At the Ashmolean, Oxford

Ah, the tango. Dance of romance.

Amusement Parks: Not for Children

A few weeks ago I posted some photos from my trip to the West Midlands Safari Park. But, like many theme parks, it's a gift that keeps on giving (nightmares):

Ah, off-brand Disney. Ruining childhoods one terrifying little face at a time:

"No, no honey, don't cry. It's okay. Simba just had a little ... accident down at the nuclear plant. But don't worry! Now that Disney owns Marvel, he'll probably get some cool powers out of it."

Lionman, Lionman

Looking like no lion can 

Glowing green

Big dead eyes

Mangled nose

Makes kids cry

We've All Been There

Don't look so worried! It's not like this picture is going on the INTERNET or anything!


Thanks for the submission, Mark!

The Return of a Favorite

If there was anything that truly needed to be memorialized, it was this guy:

Well done.

Let's Look on the Bright Side

At least the lamb looks good?

I Had Almost Forgotten What Real Lions Look Like

Last week I went to the West Midlands Safari Park, which was a great way to celebrate Bad Lions' 30,000th pageview.

At the park, I saw some very good lions:

So noble! So fluffy!

However, these in no way made up for the plethora of Very Bad Lions running rampant all over the park. Starting, of course, with the gift shop:

Oh yeah, I definitely see the resemblance.

It didn't help that all the signs were right next to real, gorgeous lions:

So...noble?

Note to artists: there's "stylized" and then there's "terrible." And THEN there's "no no no no no no":

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"

Nice Work, Paris

A few weeks back we featured a stunning masterpiece of childhood confusion, A Lion in Paris. The book was apparently written based on a real statue in Paris. I don't think this is the statue in question, but if you google "paris lion statue", THIS is what comes up:

That is ... very big. Unnecessarily big. And then you get to the front view:

"Heeeeeey there, ladies. I'll show you something ELSE unnecessarily big. Wink, wink."

I Think There Might be Something Wrong with Your ... Everything

Artists, take note: there's a fine line between "made out of wood" and "rotting from the inside out".

And this leapt right over that line into Nightmareville.

Taxidermy: The Face Says it All

 "Oh god, here we go again ... "

 "...what the hell? Is that meant to be me?"

"You must be joking!"

"Fix it, or you'll be seeing this rotting face IN HELL."

Yeah, These Proportions Look About Right

Objects in circle may be larger than they appear.

Hopefully, anyway.