We're now on Instagram

It's been four years and four months since my last post, but the lions continue to be terrible, so I've decided to migrate to Instagram. Old faves and new horrors will be posted over there, whenever it occurs to me.

Lions can be submitted by DM on instagram.

@very.bad.lions 

A Never-ending Parade of Samson

"Oh god, he's finally lost it, hasn't he?"

"No, no. I think this is a good thing. He's finally channeled all that rage into something useful!"

"And what's that, exactly?"

"...denistry?"

"Yep. He's lost it."

Poor Guy

This lion looks like he just realized everyone forgot his birthday.

This lion comes to us courtesy of one Edward Burne-Jones, who I tend to think is very talented.

This...does not reflect that.

I especially love that he managed to successfully draw a cow, a sheep, an eagle, an angel, and twenty kneeling kings, and then just fell apart at the lion.

I think I'll call him Carl. He's an absolute bitch to share an office with.

All Hail the Mighty Rabbits

Le lion mort, Paul de Vos

They truly are the kings of the jungle.

Lions, Wine, and Golf, Oh My!

This is the logo for a prestigious 19th-century dude's club:

Yep, looking PRETTY MANLY:

Why does the lion need that band of fig leaves? Is anyone really looking for lion penis when they look at this image? Also, I thought that was a sword at first, but it's just a golf club. What a disappointment. Much like the members of this club, I imagine.

It's Electrifying

Someone teach this lion some socket safety tips.

SPOTTED IN THE WILD

Yet somehow I resisted buying it. I am the picture of restraint. Much like this jumper, actually.

Ever wondered what lions look like in the rain?

Like big, sad cats.

Ah, Realism

What's great about taxidermy is the feeling that the living animal is right there, and could leap up at any moment.

courtesy of @craptaxidermy

The Lion Lay Down with the Lamb

"Honey, I swear, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Hey there, Ladies"

"Looking fiiiiiiiine tonight." *eyebrow waggle*

Shouldn't Zoos Know the Difference?

West Midlands Safari Park

This is pretty bad, but not nearly as bad as the fact that this is the decor on the SEA LION tank.

Maybe that's why he looks so aghast.

May the Font of Badness Never Run Dry

There are some real treasure troves of bad lions out there: taxidermy is the gift that keeps on giving. Walk into any statuary section of a museum, and you're sure to find a few.

But I've just stumbled onto a WHOLE NEW ART FORM of badness.

Behold! The tapestry:

Packwood House, Lapworth

Now, if you just squint, tilt your head to one side, and take some acid, you'll see that this is a clear depiction of a lion fighting a griffin.

IT COULDN'T BE MORE OBVIOUS.

Anatomy: A Lesson

Here's the thing: lions actually NATURALLY sit on their haunches. It's their default state. They walk around on four legs, and they sit that way too. Drawing them kneeling is both pointless and disturbing.

Thanks for the submission, Liz!

That Fourth Cup of Coffee Was a Mistake

"Hey"

"Heey"

"Heeey"

"Heeeey"

"I'm so EXCITED. And I just can't HIDE IT."

Packwood House, Lapworth

Lay Off the Gym, Dude

Who sits down and thinks, you know what lions need? BIGGER MUSCLES.

Victoria and Albert Museum, London

"Yeah, bro. I can bench 250. Wanna go get a protein shake?"

Someone Get This Thing to a Vet

Someone took this photo through the back window of a car:

Which means someone purposefully displayed this thing in their car.

It looks like it's molting, and it's definitely not happy about it.

Thanks for the submission, Rachel!

At Least He's Happy About It

This lion couldn't be more thrilled with how crap he is. But the real question is: what does an ecstatically happy bad lion have to do with 'keep out' signs?

I love this lunchbox, because its the closest thing I've ever found to the header of this blog. I probably should have bought it.

Imperialism: An Illustration

This is precisely why you don't bring a bike with you on safari, dude. I hope he eats your little satchel.